Then What: When Adoption isn't an Option

Disclaimer:  This has been a hard post to write.  It has been written and rewritten  over the course of the last several weeks as I worked to process my trip to China  - what I learned and my challenge going forward.   I don't want to just dust my hands off and move on with life.  And yet, as written below I have wrestled with what my take -away is and reconciling that with the call to "care for orphans." 


I did really well keeping my guard up with all the babies and kids we saw - telling myself that adoption is not for our family.  We don't have the time, the energy, the money....Jacob is going to be in high school and in four short years on his way to college.  I need to go back to work to fund college.  Molly is eight and all three kids are independent and we are enjoying a new stage of life.

And yet, one little baby cracked my guard.  She is the only one (out of countless kids that I interacted with and even held) whose head I kissed.  She was the one who had the saddest eyes we saw and who I couldn't put back in her crib.  I would have brought her home!!!  I continue to weep for her.   During those jet lag nights when I was WIDE AWAKE AT 2AM , I prayed for her, and pictured rocking her in the rocking chair in the family room, I even gave her a name. (I blame that last part on jet lag psychosis.) All joking aside,  I continue to pray and continue to weep and continue to wonder.

And yet, as I wrestled with God and in the weeks since, I have a peace in my heart that adoption still is not God's call for our family.

So if not adoption, then what? 

Then what is caring for the three beautiful children God has given me.

Being present and available in their lives.

Ministering to their hurts and needs.

Praying and loving them.

Then what is caring for the 400 children who attend the school where I work.

Every child at school has at least one living parent, and yet, many are just as vulnerable as if they were truly orphans.

It is understanding that sometimes a stomach ache is more than a stomach ache,

that a meltdown has more to do with needing a nap than with the assignment,

that some bruises aren't from playground injuries,

that sometimes the best care I can give is a hug.


But for all of us,

Then what can be teaching Sunday School, leading youth group, welcoming kids into our home, being mentors.

Then what can be supporting and encouraging families who have been called to adopt, or being part of "the village" it takes to raise a child, or financially and prayerfully supporting children here and around the world.

Because at the end of the day, children don't have to be orphans to be vulnerable and in need of our care and compassion.

They can be in different parts of the world, but they can also be in our church, in our school, even in our own family.


Our worship (or true religion as James calls it) isn't so much about the ACT of adoption as it is about the HEART of compassion.

It is loving and caring for the vulnerable.

Adoption is an amazing call that many families have and choose to answer.  I have great respect and admiration for every family who answers that call.

But for those of us who don't have that same calling, we needn't feel guilty or inadequate in our worship.

Rather we can look for ways to have a heart of compassion for those God has put in our path,

being obedient to that which God HAS called us to do.