The Day My Heart Broke

Note - I will come back to what I did on. Sunday.  We visited Lifeline's Foster Center in Zhujiang.  I think I linked to the video in one of my posts (maybe the "54D" post).  It was a fun day but I will come back to it and give more details.

I'm not even sure where to begin this post nor am I even sure what to say about today.  I knew today had the potential to be tough based on what we had heard about the orphanage we were going to.  But like I told one of the girls tonight, just like getting bad news you know is coming, nothing can prepare you for the actual event.

You hear about orphanages being rough but until you hold a baby whose eyes have no light in them and then have to put that baby back into a bed that has no mattress only a steel bottom

Or until you see a little boy tied to his bed by his bib

Or until you see kids lying in their urine for hours

Or

Or

Or.......

Or until you examine a baby that has a potentially fatal genetic disorder and you don't know whether you should even tell the orphanage her prognosis for fear they will just neglect her, you can't even begin to comprehend rough.

We saw several babies today that looked like newborns despite the fact that they were 4 months old or greater.  We saw kids today that were Kellen's age that have probably no hope of ever being adopted due to either disabilities or lack of schooling.

For the record, I didn't put the baby back in the crib.  Katie (the team leader) took her out of my arms as I tried to hold myself together - it is offensive to Chinese for a person to cry.

I'm tired tonight as I think most of the team is.  Our hearts are tired.

I am not sure what my take away from the day is yet.  I still don't feel like I am called to adopt (which I will talk about when I talk about the Foster Center).  But I also feel like I can't walk away from today unchanged.  You can't un-see things.

Tomorrow is a new day with new mercies and I am grateful.  (I'm also grateful that we are going to a nicer orphanage the next two days)

Thank you for continuing to pray for me and the team.  But today, please also pray for the orphans - that they would be held safely in the arms of Jesus and that they would know the Father's love for the fatherless.