He Knows My Name - A God Story From China One Year Later

(You might want to grab a cup of coffee and settle in....this probably is going to be a lot of words.  You also may need a tissue or two....if you are that type.)

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

Over the past few days I have been thinking back to a year ago.

A year ago I was in China....

a year ago we saw this,

a year ago we were in this place,

a year ago I met this child, 

a year ago....

A year ago yesterday (April 27th) was the hardest day of the trip.  You might remember we went to a very difficult orphanage.  What I saw, I can never un-see.  I went to China with a guard up around my heart - knowing that God had not called John and I to adopt.  Yet a year ago yesterday, one specific baby SHATTERED that guard.  You may remember her as the baby I referred to as "the sad eyes baby."  I held her, loved her and kissed her little head.  Someone had to take her out of my arms to put her in her crib as I was physically unable to put her down and leave her.  I had all I could do to hold my emotions in check (it is offensive in China to cry) long enough to get in the van.  

I came home a few days later and over the next couple of weeks wrestled with God in a way I never had before.  

Were we supposed to adopt this sweet baby?  

I pictured rocking her in our family room, 

making her part of our family.  

I even named her.  (I blame that on jet lag psychosis )  

As I wept and asked God what my response should be, I believe He (in His love and sweetness) gave me the name

Hope Eliana.

I desperately wanted her to have hope but I also wanted her to know that God answers (which is what Eliana means).  Over time, God gave me a peace that NO, we weren't to adopt her.  So I have loved her from a far, have prayed for her and as soon as Lifeline set up their sponsorship program, John and I signed up to sponsor her.

Yesterday, on the one year anniversary of meeting this sweet baby, I found out that she is being adopted and is slated to join her forever family soon. With that news came an onslaught of mixed emotions.  God confirmed that she is not to be ours - which I knew, but now it is for sure.  However, God, again in His sweetness and love, allowed me to connect with the woman who is adopting "my" baby.  It was a beautiful connection over Facebook as I shared my story of meeting her soon to be forever daughter - only made sweeter when she told me the name she had chosen for her daughter...

Elena Hope

When I told her the name God had given me, this was her response:

"Wow!!!! And when I was deciding on a name for her, Eliana Hope kept coming to my mind! And I strongly thought of naming her that because I love what Eliana means! But I was afraid it would be too close to have an Anna and Eliana! And I really loved the idea of having a sort of namesake for my mom! So Elena seemed like the perfect blend! Hope was always my choice for her middle name!"

God knew this sweet baby's name and I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR HER BY NAME (almost) for almost a year.  And I thought once I got home, God was done with the details of that trip.  

So while my heart is a little bit sad that the door has indeed been closed to us adopting her, I am thrilled to be connected to her and her new family.  It is a gift that I didn't ever expect.  

And in case you are wondering, here is a side by side of Miss Elena Hope (used with permission).  The first picture is the baby I saw a year ago and the second is a recent picture taken at the Foster Center (she was moved out of the orphanage shortly after we got home.)

Thank you again for all the support and encouragement you gave me as I went on this trip.  God remains at work and I can't wait to go back at some point.

To God be the glory, great things HE has done!