Then What: When Adoption isn't an Option

Disclaimer:  This has been a hard post to write.  It has been written and rewritten  over the course of the last several weeks as I worked to process my trip to China  - what I learned and my challenge going forward.   I don't want to just dust my hands off and move on with life.  And yet, as written below I have wrestled with what my take -away is and reconciling that with the call to "care for orphans." 


I did really well keeping my guard up with all the babies and kids we saw - telling myself that adoption is not for our family.  We don't have the time, the energy, the money....Jacob is going to be in high school and in four short years on his way to college.  I need to go back to work to fund college.  Molly is eight and all three kids are independent and we are enjoying a new stage of life.

And yet, one little baby cracked my guard.  She is the only one (out of countless kids that I interacted with and even held) whose head I kissed.  She was the one who had the saddest eyes we saw and who I couldn't put back in her crib.  I would have brought her home!!!  I continue to weep for her.   During those jet lag nights when I was WIDE AWAKE AT 2AM , I prayed for her, and pictured rocking her in the rocking chair in the family room, I even gave her a name. (I blame that last part on jet lag psychosis.) All joking aside,  I continue to pray and continue to weep and continue to wonder.

And yet, as I wrestled with God and in the weeks since, I have a peace in my heart that adoption still is not God's call for our family.

So if not adoption, then what? 

Then what is caring for the three beautiful children God has given me.

Being present and available in their lives.

Ministering to their hurts and needs.

Praying and loving them.

Then what is caring for the 400 children who attend the school where I work.

Every child at school has at least one living parent, and yet, many are just as vulnerable as if they were truly orphans.

It is understanding that sometimes a stomach ache is more than a stomach ache,

that a meltdown has more to do with needing a nap than with the assignment,

that some bruises aren't from playground injuries,

that sometimes the best care I can give is a hug.


But for all of us,

Then what can be teaching Sunday School, leading youth group, welcoming kids into our home, being mentors.

Then what can be supporting and encouraging families who have been called to adopt, or being part of "the village" it takes to raise a child, or financially and prayerfully supporting children here and around the world.

Because at the end of the day, children don't have to be orphans to be vulnerable and in need of our care and compassion.

They can be in different parts of the world, but they can also be in our church, in our school, even in our own family.


Our worship (or true religion as James calls it) isn't so much about the ACT of adoption as it is about the HEART of compassion.

It is loving and caring for the vulnerable.

Adoption is an amazing call that many families have and choose to answer.  I have great respect and admiration for every family who answers that call.

But for those of us who don't have that same calling, we needn't feel guilty or inadequate in our worship.

Rather we can look for ways to have a heart of compassion for those God has put in our path,

being obedient to that which God HAS called us to do.

Wrecked

I'm tired and jet lagged.

I don't feel the emotional fog that I felt coming home from Ghana but I do feel like I am just starting to process my trip and experience in China -which made for a long and sleepless night (see above: jet lag - it's a beast!)

Anyway, I found this quote a few months ago and feel like it captures where I'm at today.

"This loving orphans, whether we are able to be a family to them or not, it comes with an intangible price. We're wrecked on the inside, and we're never the same. But the freedom comes with the full abandonment of what this world tells us is right and acceptable and DO-ABLE. True freedom is found in the tide the carries us out into the deep unknown, to the things that we can only do through the Father's strength and power."
- Cindy M. from mission: mary-kate

Home Sweet Home

I am home!!!

22 hours after leaving the hotel, I was picked up at O'hare by John and two very excited kiddos (the third was home because of prior commitments).

We ran a couple of errands and went to dinner.  It was nice to have a hamburger and a carbonated beverage other than Coke. 

I'm pretty sure I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and I still feel like I could sleep for a few days.  I also have a cold so that doesn't help matters.

But alas, it is Saturday and we have a full schedule so back to reality (hopefully gently today)!

I will be back to add pictures and share more about the trip, etc after I have a little more sleep and can think straight.

Thanks for praying for me. 

Answering

Well, the end has come!

I answered a call and came on a trip knowing no one but God and I'm coming home with 9 new friends.

I answered a call to care for orphans and am coming home deeply caring for several who etched a place in my heart.

I answered a call to add to orphan files and am coming home excited to see those files go out to families whom God has called to adopt a little person from China.

I answered a call to step out in faith, to walk on a path marked out for me only one step at a time and I am coming home knowing without a shadow of a doubt that HE WHO CALLS YOU WILL DO IT!

My heart is full and my mind is tired tonight as I get ready for "one more sleep" in China.  We leave the hotel at 7:45am to start for home.

Please pray for safety and smooth connections and wonderful reunions for all involved.

Thank you so much for praying for me and for your notes of encouragement.  They have sustained me and I am grateful.

I will update once I get home and get some sleep and will try to add a post with some pictures.

Stranger anxiety a breath of fresh air

The last two days we have been in Maoming at the orphanage here.

It has been balm to the soul.

The kids are still orphans and there are still heart breaking cases but it has been so different.  For one, the nanny/child ratio is 3-4 nannies per 15-20 children...much improved on the 1 to 20 ratio we saw a day earlier.  The nannies could thoroughly answer questions and it was refreshing to see the children have stranger anxiety and hide behind their nannies.  Many past adoptive families sent updates back so the nannies could see how the kids were doing in their forever families.

We had a very busy day yesterday (Tuesday).  It was like working at the pediatrician's office again (complete with a full waiting room and a doctor running behind).  To say we were tired at the end of the day could quite possibly be an understatement.

Many of the kids we saw had the usual diagnoses:

Down syndrome
Cleft palate
Mental delay (which can have a variety of titles)
Heart disease

The list could go on but that is what we saw the most.  Our translator in the morning was less than helpful and more concerned with being on her phone than anything.  I thought the doctor was GOING TO LOSE HER MIND!

Of all the stations to have an out to lunch translator - medical is NOT it.  Fortunately we were able to get a different translator for the afternoon.  Medical things in general are hard to translate so much got lost in translation but we were able to make due.

We did see one pretty sick little heart baby who ( and I am not exaggerating) was blue.  If the doctor had had her way she would have gone straight to the hospital but that isn't necessarily how things work in China nor in an orphanage.  We are hoping the local foster care center will take her and get her help but we aren't sure if treatment will be in time.  Please pray that this sweet baby can know love in her lifetime and if it God's will that she will get the treatment she needs before her heart is too damaged.

That baby threw a little bit of a monkey wrench in the afternoon but we got through the rest of the kids (33 in all yesterday).  My roommate and I went to KFC last night for dinner.  It was what you would expect from a KFC but I didn't have to eat with chopsticks so you'll hear no complaints here.

Today we returned to Maoming ( minus our morning translator - who I can't say I was sorry to see go). We saw a handful of sweet cuties today before lunch.  After lunch and rest-time (everyone takes a rest) we walked around the block (not sure what you call it here) and visited a couple a private family foster homes.  An empty - nester couple is sponsored by Lifeline through Maoming orphanage to take 4 orphans into their home and care for them.  It was fun to see a couple of these homes.  The kids were darling and were thriving.

The last two days have been busy but rewarding.  We are done seeing kids and all the information and  thousands of pictures will be/ have been sent back to the states to add to the files of children waiting to be adopted.  (Not all of the pictures will be added - that may be a bit overwhelming)

We leave Maoming in the morning to travel back to Guangzhou, do some shopping (pray I can find a spoon to add to my collection and make quick gift decisions.). We will have dinner and spend one more night here in China before departing for home Friday.

I'm sure shopping will be an adventure so I will try to post about that tomorrow before I call it a trip!

Thank you for praying for me.  I appreciate everyone's love and encouragement.

Sand worm salad and Pizza Hut

Sometimes meals here require a post all to themselves and Monday's meals fit the bill.

The staff from Suixi took us out for lunch.  Let me describe the setting.

You drive in and on one side of you is an open air kitchen with a variety of animals and fish living and swimming - not realizing their days are numbered.   On the other side is a building that looks like a run down hotel with outside enterances.  However, the rooms are actually your "table."

We walked into the room to a huge table with THE BIGGEST lazy Susan I have ever seen.  There was food already on it....and the food just kept coming!  Once there was one layer of food around the lazy Susan they would start a second layer.

I stuck to things I recognized and that didn't have eyes.  One of the salads look slightly suspicious and come to find out it was sand worms on the greens.  THANK THE LORD I DIDN'T TRY THAT!

It helped that I was sitting by team members and not the locals otherwise they would have required me to try everything (or at least hide the food as some of the girls did).   I had beef noodles, broccoli, fried iris root (which tasted kind of like funnel cake), beans, and I'm sure some other things that I can't remember because at this point I have had probably 20 Chinese meals.

We drove to Maoming after Suixi and after checking into our hotel (that have cool bathrooms but beds harder than the floor) we went to Pizza Hut.

Yes, Pizza Hut and KFC are quite popular here.  However, Pizza Hut is not like our Pizza Huts at home.  They are more along the lines of Applebee's.  They had fajitas, steak, and other things besides pizza.  And because many of the chemicals that are common in the States are banned here, the pizza is actually really good.

I had a personal pan veggie pizza that included corn on it.  I could have had a bacon wrapped shrimp pizza but felt that was a little bit of over kill.  I could have had hot corn juice but decided to pass on that as well.

Again, the waitress brought water just like they bring glasses of water in the states except if you have been following along at home, the Chinese get a kick out of drinking hot water.  So once again, we ordered ice water and she looked at us like we were crazy.  She brought us two slightly larger glasses of ice water to split among the 8 of us.

We had our translators with us so they helped us order.  Heaven help you if you just want a cheese pizza.  There is no such thing so we ended up ordering a Hawaiian pizza with no ham and no pineapple.  I have found that other counties sometimes have a hard time thinking outside the box so it often makes life interesting.

We are headed back to Pizza Hut tonight sans translators so who knows what we will end up with....

Hopefully something I recognize and not sand worms!

City of Grace

Note - Thank you for allowing me to post out of order yesterday.  I appreciate being able to process  a difficult day despite it being "out of order" in my journaling.

Sunday we visited the City of Grace - Lifeline's Foster Center that they opened back in July in response to the poor conditions at Suixi.  13 children who had minimal medical problems but who were failing to thrive at Suixi were moved to the Foster center.

And I can assure you -THEY ARE THRIVING!

They are loved and cared for by a handful of nannies - a few of the nannies have become believers in the process.

They kids were happy and interactive and for the first time on the trip, the guard of my heart started to come down.

For the first time I wrestled with should I adopt.  Should we adopt?

I met a little girl who was about 5 years old who quickly became my little buddy.  She and I played with duplos and played ball and laughed.  Even after we had gone out for lunch and the kids had napped, she found me with her stack of duplos and we began to play again.

I saw a little boy who had some delays but reminded me of my sweet nephew "T" just the way he had mischief in his eyes.  He was such a little helper - holding the door for everyone when we went out for play time and again when it was time to come in.  (We played in a dry fountain area - which was brilliant as it was walled so it kept the kids corralled - until the janitor ladies started cleaning the fountain.  They don't care who is in the fountain!  They are going to hose it down and if you don't want to get wet you better get out.)

We left the Foster center around lunch time and went to a local noodle place.  It was very good.  We walked to a local coffee shop and just visited until it was time for the kids to get up from their naps.  We went back and spent the rest of the afternoon there and left around dinner time.

Dinner was ....

Chinese food!   We had a variety of things again on the lazy Susan.  We didn't have to wash our dishes as they came shrink wrapped.  I guess if the dishes are wrapped in plastic you're good to go! (Although the local Chinese people still cleaned their dishes with the hot tea - go figure!)

We had a lot of veggies which was nice.  We had what I can only describe as carmelized sweet potato monkey bread.  It wasn't monkey bread but you pulled it apart like monkey bread.  You had to dip it in water to cool it down and still pray you didn't blister the roof of your mouth or burn off all your taste buds.  (I don't know how the Chinese can get things SO HOT!). I don't quite remember what else we had (the Chinese food is all running together at this point) but it was good.

It was a good day overall but I am still wondering what my take away from this trip will be.  While I have met some darling children and while there are a couple that have stolen a piece of my heart and who I can't get out of my mind, I am still very much wrestling with if our family is called to adopt.

If so, then what?

But if not, then what?


I just ask for you to continue to pray for the orphans.  Prsy that they would know they love of their Heavenly Father.  He knows them by name, knows the number of (often short) hairs on their head, and has created them for a purpose.  It is hard to understand that purpose - especially for those who are (un)adopted, but I know and trust that God has a plan for each little life.

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
THEY ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT
Jesus love the little children of the world!

The Day My Heart Broke

Note - I will come back to what I did on. Sunday.  We visited Lifeline's Foster Center in Zhujiang.  I think I linked to the video in one of my posts (maybe the "54D" post).  It was a fun day but I will come back to it and give more details.

I'm not even sure where to begin this post nor am I even sure what to say about today.  I knew today had the potential to be tough based on what we had heard about the orphanage we were going to.  But like I told one of the girls tonight, just like getting bad news you know is coming, nothing can prepare you for the actual event.

You hear about orphanages being rough but until you hold a baby whose eyes have no light in them and then have to put that baby back into a bed that has no mattress only a steel bottom

Or until you see a little boy tied to his bed by his bib

Or until you see kids lying in their urine for hours

Or

Or

Or.......

Or until you examine a baby that has a potentially fatal genetic disorder and you don't know whether you should even tell the orphanage her prognosis for fear they will just neglect her, you can't even begin to comprehend rough.

We saw several babies today that looked like newborns despite the fact that they were 4 months old or greater.  We saw kids today that were Kellen's age that have probably no hope of ever being adopted due to either disabilities or lack of schooling.

For the record, I didn't put the baby back in the crib.  Katie (the team leader) took her out of my arms as I tried to hold myself together - it is offensive to Chinese for a person to cry.

I'm tired tonight as I think most of the team is.  Our hearts are tired.

I am not sure what my take away from the day is yet.  I still don't feel like I am called to adopt (which I will talk about when I talk about the Foster Center).  But I also feel like I can't walk away from today unchanged.  You can't un-see things.

Tomorrow is a new day with new mercies and I am grateful.  (I'm also grateful that we are going to a nicer orphanage the next two days)

Thank you for continuing to pray for me and the team.  But today, please also pray for the orphans - that they would be held safely in the arms of Jesus and that they would know the Father's love for the fatherless.

If It's Between a Truck and a Ricksha, Hit the Ricksha

I have been on two missions trips now and both have involved bumpy roads (although Chinese roads are great compared to Ghana's) and a minor accident.  But that story (complete with a giraffe sighting) will have to wait.

Yesterday we spent the morning at a foster center that cares for children who are more medically fragile or who have had recent surgeries.  It was delightful to play with the kids and interact with them.  We divided the team up as there were two apartments that housed this foster center.  It is very well run and the children are well taken care of.  It was fun just to love on the kids and play with them.  We didn't have to do any assessments on these kids so it was a day off for us essentially.

After we left the foster center, we went to a restaurant for lunch.  We sat down and the waitress pass out plates and chopsticks.  She then put teapots on the lazy Susan on the middle of the table.  The teapots had water that was hotter than boiling.  You fill up your tea cup and swish your chopsticks in it. The you pour the water (without burning your hand on the ceramic cup that is now hot) onto the plate and bowl and swish the water around those as well.  There is an empty bowl on the lazy Susan that you pour your dish water in as it comes around.  You now have clean dishes and are ready to eat. 

We had a variety of food including pigeon (complete with the head and beak) and it was all very good.  The waitresses thought we were all a little strange when we asked for ice water. In China, they feel like HOT water is the healthiest.  We did also have tea to drink (after it cooled off).

After lunch we began the trek to Zhanjiang which is at the tip of China down near Vietnam (like 50 miles from the boarder).  It was a 5 hour trip that turned into 6 or 7 because a portion of the highway was shut down.  Along the way, one of the girls noticed that up in front of us was a truck carrying a giraffe.  I wasn't fast enough on the draw to get a picture but will see if one of the other team members can send me theirs.  It was pretty funny to see ESPECIALLY because there isn't a zoo nearby so no one could figure out why someone would be transporting a giraffe.

We had to take city streets instead on the highway for the last couple of hours of the trip because evidently they just shut the whole thing down if they are working on it.  We passed a lot of rice fields and saw a lot of different towns in varying degrees.  Some were nicer than others while some looked more third world impoverished.  

Driving here is a combination of how we drive in the states (clear lanes, stop lights, etc) and  a free for all.  Motorbikes and bikes are common (not as common as my dad saw in Vietnam).  Occasionally you will see a ricksha.  I'm not exactly sure of what happened last night - maybe we were in traffic ( I can't remember) but there was a truck to our left and a ricksha to our right.  We had to move over for some reason and the path of choice put us in line with the ricksha.  We should have run the guy clear over but somehow we managed to just clip the ricksha.  Our driver stopped - to go pick up our side mirror that got knocked off.  No one was any worse for the ware and we continue to laugh about how the bus is now missing a side mirror - 

not that the driver really used it to begin with.  

Zhuhi and the Walking street

I realize that it's Sunday so I have a few days of catching up to do.

Friday we had slower morning and around lunchtime we went to the orphanage in Zhuhi (Joo-hi).  We were able to evaluate 19 kids ranging in age from a few months old to about 12 years old.  All had some "medical diagnosis" of varying degrees.  I took notes on the iPad while the doc did the exams.  We weren't exactly a well oiled wheel, but made it through and will tweak as we go.  I didn't get really any pictures as I was busy working the whole time.

I did get a couple  of pictures of the school next door. The kids here all have uniforms and the color varies by school.  The uniforms at this school were McDonald colors so it was very cute.  The school "bell" actually sounded more like fireworks being shot off so that too was fun to hear.  At tea time, the orphanage staff brought us McDonalds food (chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, fries and cokes....no tea!)

When we got back to the hotel, our guide offered to take us to the Walking street.  It is a street that is closed to traffic that has stores and such.  It reminded me of Main Street USA at the Magic Kingdom. We went down an alley off of the walking street and ate at a little hole in the wall restaurant and had very authentic Chinese food...complete with chopsticks.  I am so glad my dad went to Vietnam first.  I took a picture of the "big gulp" cup full of chopsticks that you just grab out of.  The food was delicious.  We came back to the hotel after walking around a bit and seeing all the lights.  Two  things are for certain....

Chinese like the neon lights and

It is always Christmas in China.  It is not uncommon to see lite up Christmas trees or other asundery Christmas decor wherever you are; nor is it uncommon to here random Christmas music.  The U.S. might be a happier place if we followed suit.

Things here a surprisingly similar to the U.S.  Traffic hasn't been horrible.  The roads have rough patches but overall haven't been too bad.  I was anticipating there being people EVERYWHERE, but I have been in bigger crowds in NYC.

I know that God is walking with me each day. I feel the prayers of many so thank you.

New Stamp In my Passport

I made it to China!! (And I have access to my blog)

I'm not exactly sure what day it is but if I had to venture a guess I'd say it is Friday here.

The trip here went well.  I met up with the team at the airport in Chicago and we all boarded the plane bound for Beijing.  After a weird safety demonstration (if I can find it on you tube,I will link to it when I get home) and a take off that would have riveled a roller coaster ride, I settled in for 12 hours.

A few movies, a couple of hour long podcasts, and a couple of meals later, we flew over the Great Wall of China (no I didn't photograph it because if you remember I was sitting in the middle section of the plane.  That section doesn't lend it self to good photo ops.) and landed in Beijing, China.  The landing more than made up for the take off - one of the smoothest I've ever experienced.

The sun never changed positions the whole trip - it was afternoon the whole time.  That has a way of messing you up.

After making it through immigration and customs and another security check, we made it to our next flight.  This time it actually got dark so I slept.

We made it to our hotel about midnight local time.

Today we aren't exactly hitting the ground running but will leave shortly to go the first  orphanage.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying.  Sitting I the middle section of the plane wasn't so bad and I only had to grip the daylights out of my neck pillow twice - once on takeoff and then once when we hit some rough turbulence.  All things considered, I view that as a victory.

I have a headache this morning so please pray that subsides.

Pray I can be an encouragement to the team and light and love to the children we see today!

Nothing is Impossible

Go Time

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever, Amen!"  Ephesians 3:20 

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders...and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  Hebrews 12:1

 
Well, it is go time!

I am to T minus 48 hours until I jet across the ocean to China.  

It is hard to believe that April 22nd is here.  I don't know if the last three months have gone fast or slow.  Regardless, it has been a time of learning and growing and watching God work in ways that only He could.

He who has called you is faithful and He WILL do it - He has done it and will continue to do it.

I knew in my heart when I began this adventure and God placed the tug on my heart that if I stepped out in obedience, He would be faithful to make this trip happen.

Sometimes I second guess the tug and call of God.  What if He isn't calling me?  What if I am just pushing my will forward? 

But God did call me out onto the waters and He hasn't let me sink - despite the times that I have focused more on the waves than on Him.

So my bags are packed...almost.

Please pray for me as I loose sight of the shore to cross the ocean (literally).

Pray that I would stay safe and healthy.

Pray that my heart would be full of peace.  It isn't easy leaving life here at home.

Pray that the team I am traveling with would enjoy sweet unity.

Pray that I would be a blessing to all I meet.

Pray that the light and love of Jesus would shine through me in all I do and say.

Thank you for joining with me on this adventure.  I am grateful for everyone's support, encouragement and prayers.

See you on the other side of the ocean!!!

He Prayed for Me

(I meant to have this written and posted Thursday night but alas....that didn't happen.  May it still encourage you today as we remember Jesus' death on the cross.)

Last week was filled with anxiety for me. 

My dad was out of the country and was feeling poorly.  You know what is hard? 

Figuring out and treating someone half way across the world. 

You know what's harder? 

When you are a nurse and you know enough information to cause your imagination to run wild.  It was in those "wild" moments that all I could do was beg God to just let my dad get home safely.  (He did get home safely!  Praise the Lord!)

There was also a plane crash in France. 

You know what causes loads of anxiety for someone already anxious about flying? 

Hearing about a plane crash. 

Finally, I sent my passport and visa application in for my Chinese Visa (no, it isn't a credit card.  It is the sticker that goes in my passport saying I'm allowed to enter China.)  Putting that stuff in the mail seemed like a big step - or perhaps the final step - in this huge journey.  Once my passport comes back, everything will be in place for me to travel in a couple of weeks. 

However, sending the stuff in was not without some anxiety as well.  I had to send a cashier's check and realized after the trip to the bank that I had made the check out wrong.  Instead of making the check out to Chinese Consulate in CHICAGO, I had made the check out to Chinese Consulate in CHINA.

UGH!!! 

It was the last straw and suddenly the world started caving in.  How could I have made such a ridiculous mistake?  I think my dad captured my feelings the best when he said,

It is one thing to deal with the stuff beyond our control, but when we shoot ourselves in the foot it is harder to deal with emotionally and spiritually.  God can and does deal with those things too.

God worked everything out and the passport and application are in process as we speak.

As I sat down in church Sunday, I was weary from the anxiety of the week.  But then I heard this:

"I pray for them......Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me so that they may be one as we are one.  ....I have given them your word and world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world.  My prayer is not that you take them out of this world but that you protect them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by the truth: your word is truth.  As you have sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. "  (John 17)

The last thing Jesus did before he was arrested and died was pray for ME!!  He prayed that as I go out into the world, I would be protected from the evil one's attempts to overwhelm me with anxiety, to cause me to take my eyes off of my Savior and ultimately to fail in bringing God the glory.

Because that is what happens when we are walking on the water and focus on the storm rather than the Lord.  We start to sink into the sea of doubt and anxiety.  The waves of worry threaten to drown us.

Jesus had experienced humanity.  He had been tempted.  He had been weary.  And yet, as he prepared to die, He prayed for me....and you! 

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

 

Seat 54D - unless I chicken out and change it

I have a plane ticket!!!

The waiting is over and I AM OFFICIALLY GOING TO CHINA!

(well, provided China grants me a visa - but I think they will - provided I can figure out the application.)

I am sitting in seat 54 D, which for those of you keeping track at home is on the aisle but in the dreaded middle section.  My mom gave me a list of all the "perks" of sitting on the aisle so I am thinking I may try and be brave and sit in the middle.  Someone very close to me told me last year that I am stronger than I think I am.   We'll see!

Most of the team is traveling THROUGH Chicago.  I, on the other hand, am originating in Chicago.  It really is a blessing how God worked out the details.

We fly to Bejing and then on to Guangzhou.  I don't have the exact itinerary in hand yet but the plan is to hopefully visit three orphanages and two foster care centers in southern China.

Here is a look at one that I think we will be visiting.

 
Lifeline China Foster Center from Lifeline Children's Services on Vimeo.


It is almost go time!!! (and I have a lot to do so I'd better get movin'!)

Thanks for continuing to pray!

Past My Due Date

Waiting.....

Stillllll waiting!

I am still waiting to get the call that a teacher has joined the April China team and we can go ahead and get plane tickets. (A teacher who is hoping to travel with us is waiting on approval for time off from her bosses - please continue to pray!)

I feel like I did when I was past my due date when I was pregnant with Jacob. 

I wake up each morning with eager anticipation that TODAY MAY BE THE DAY!

But alas, another day goes by and no email or phone call.

I'm trying to not be anxious.

But as each day passes, it gets a little more difficult.

I know this is all part of God's plan to have me trust Him completely.  As my mom once told me, God sometimes asks us to exercise things we have (or thought we have) learned in the past.

I was eleven days past my due date when Jacob was born.  Day and night would pass and I couldn't figure out WHY I wasn't having this baby that I thought would actually come before my due date.  I know that God was teaching me that He does things in HIS time, not necessarily mine.

Lesson learned.....

so I thought!

But here I am again....wondering why a teacher hasn't been found, why we haven't bought plane tickets, why I don't have more to "hang my hat on" regarding the trip to China.

God is once again, reminding me that HE is in control and things happen in HIS time.

"Now FAITH is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  Hebrews 11:1 

A Little Trivia While We Wait

So not much is happening right now.

I am sort of in a holding pattern - waiting for the team to finish being assembled and plane tickets to be purchased. 

I could write a post (and maybe will eventually) about Peter walking on water, having faith, being anxious (things I have been thinking about recently)

But right now that isn't as fun as celebrating the Chinese New Year and posting about something I love-

FOOD!

So first,

HAAAAPPPPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

I like this kind of New Year!

I mean, midnight in China is like 10:00 am here!  I can do that.  It sure beats trying to stay up until midnight on our New Year's Eve.  (Yes, I am getting old - long gone are the nights I stayed up WAY AFTER midnight working on college papers or hanging out with friends. )

I just read this article in our local paper.  It is all about Chinese food!

Cantonese food to be exact.

What is special about Cantonese food, you ask?

Canton is the old name for Guangdong - the province that I will be traveling around when I am in China.

Apparently (according to the article) it has some of the finest and freshest food in China.

SCORE FOR ME!

(I mean it did mention things like shark's fin, dried scallops and water snake but I'm pretending I didn't read about those things)

It turns out one of our family's beloved dishes - chop suey - is frequently eaten in this region.  I don't know that our family makes it correctly though....

the article says that the original versions contained "pig innards." 

(Ya, I can't see members of our family, who claim this meal as a favorite, eating pig innards!)

Anyway, here's to the Year of the Goat and delicious stir fry...

Which I plan on eating, dedicating each bite to my husband and his bachelorhood fondness for cheap homemade stir fry.  I am certain that the authentic stir fry will beat out his chicken breast/frozen vegetable/soy sauce concoction of days gone by.

   

FAQ's

So it has been almost a month since this leap of faith began.  As I was reminded by a dear friend yesterday, He who has called you is faithful and HE WILL DO IT!  God is indeed doing it and I stand in awe of his goodness and faithfulness. 

There have been a few questions so I thought I would take the opportunity to answer some of them. 

So in no particular order, I give you the To China By Faith FAQ's

Who are you traveling with?
I am traveling with Lifeline Children's Services - specifically their (Un)adopted ministry.  (Un)adopted is a ministry that cares for orphans around the world.  The plan is for me to be on a team that is made up of a doctor, a nurse (me), a therapist, a teacher, a photographer and a couple of general volunteers.  The team is still being put together.  Please pray that God would bring just the right people together to travel on this trip to China. 

Where in China will you be traveling?
I don't have an exact itinerary yet.  I do, however, know that I will be in the Guangdong province which is the southern part of China.  It is my understanding that we will be traveling around that province to different orphanages that Lifeline partners with.

So, do you think you will adopt?  
While I have learned never to say never, at this time neither John nor I feel that call for our family.  We do have the greatest respect and admiration for the dear family and friends we know who have added to their families through adoption. 

But won't it be hard to see all those children in need of families?
Yes, absolutely!  I would be heartless if visiting orphans didn't tug at my heart.  I feel so incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to visit so many orphans, to care for them, and for the short time that I am with them give them the love of a mommy and more importantly, Jesus.  I also feel very honored that I can help add assessment information to each of these kids' files.  Having been on "this side" of adoption with family and friends, I know how important any and all information is when a family is evaluating and praying about if this particular child is the one God has for them.  I am SO excited to be able to travel to China and personally help prospective families have all the pertinent information they need as they make such an important decision.  

How is your fundraising going?
It is going really well.  God is providing in amazing ways.  I am over half way to the total amount needed.  I am so grateful!

What are you most anxious about right now?
Honestly, the thing I am MOST anxious about right now is where I will sit on the airplane.  I know...there are so many other things that I should be focused on, even maybe anxious about.  But right now, in this moment, where I sit on the plane is it.  I love the idea of flying but actually doing it always makes me nervous. (Ask my mom how she basically held my hand the whole flight home from Ghana four years ago)  The thought of sitting in that middle section - that group of five seats in the center - on an international flight makes me really anxious.

Just keeping it real!!

Thanks for continuing to pray and support me as I take this leap of faith!

  

What is (Un)adopted?

What is (un)adopted? from Lifeline Children's Services on Vimeo.

Leaping to China

I'M GOING TO CHINA!!!!

Surprised?  Ya, so am I!

God has literally dropped an opportunity to travel to China in my lap.  The only obligation?

To trust Him to orchestrate EVERY detail!

Let me go back to how this "adventure" has come about....

Last Friday, my sister forwarded me an email from the adoption agency they are using to adopt a little girl from china.  All her note said was, "Nurse needed."  I scrolled down to read the email and saw that indeed a nurse was needed for a trip to China.  After feeling a nudge from the Holy Spirit, I sent an email inquiring about the trip.

The purpose of the trip is to travel to China with Lifeline Child Services (specifically their (Un)adopted ministry)  to evaluate children medically and developmentally to add more details to their Chinese file as well as pictures and video.  The nurse who goes is usually paired with a doctor to assist with medical assessments.  This upcoming trip would be to the southern part of China.

And by upcoming, I mean April 22-May 1 OF THIS YEAR!  For those of you at home keeping score, that is in 3 short months.

I give you DETAIL No. 1

Last time I went on a mission's trip, I had over a year to plan, fund raise, get my family organized, etc.  This trip I have T-minus 3 months.

DETAIL No.2 - the cost.

The cost of this trip is roughly $3500.

To which I said to God, "Ummm.....Lord?  We don't have $3500 burning a whole in our pockets."

He replied, "I own the cattle on a thousand hills.  Everything is mine.  All you need to do is trust me."

Ummm....ok.

Despite trying to convince God that I was quite comfortable in the boat, thank you, He kept calling to me to get out of the boat.

To not be content with a safe faith, but to have, as our Pastor put it, a Risky Faith.

A faith that says, "I have NO idea how this is all going to happen, but I serve a great God.

A faith that doesn't carefully climb down the steps and sticks its toe in the water, but rather a faith that goes to the opposite side of the boat and runs full speed ahead and LEAPS into the water.

So, that is what I am doing.

I am leaping out of the boat and going to China to serve and care for the orphans.

Am I scared out of my mind???

ABSOLUTELY!!

But I serve a God who parts the seas, walks on the seas, and calms the seas.